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¡Viva Mexico!

close up of red white and green country flag
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

The Original Intention

Mexico wasn’t my first option of places to live when I left Vietnam. My original plan entailed moving to Chile. I spent several months putting together an Excel spreadsheet with a list of countries. I conducted extensive research. I would give each nation X amount of points in every category. I ranked them with at least forty factors. Among those were cost of living, safety, crime rate, air pollution, universal healthcare, importance of religion; distance from Russia, the Middle East, the United States, China, and North Korea; fragility of state, economic stability, corruption, female-to-male ratio, life expectancy, etc. I was very thorough and went the whole nine yards. At least I thought I did. I’m talking OCD accuracy. I was driving myself mad trying to find the most suitable country. At the end I tallied up the points. Anywhere that ranked lower than Thailand was eliminated. That was where I set the bar. Ukraine, Indonesia, and Bolivia got crushed in no time. The winner was Australia while Uruguay came in second place. Both were over my budget, so Chile came next in line.

Changing the Routine

Mexico was on the shortlist but not in the top five. There was still Argentina, Colombia, Costa Rica, and Brazil ahead. I came here under the assumption I would save enough dough to move to Chile eventually. That plan has been at the very least postponed if not kiboshed. Mexico was a backup plan as I couldn’t afford a plane ticket to Chile. It costs more to fly to South America from the United States than it does Asia. At least that’s how it was at the time. This was in the middle of the winter which was summertime in South America. That it was the opposite season might have been a contributing factor. Regardless, I improvised along the way. I moved to Merida, Yucatan, under the recommendation of Jacobo – an old acquaintance. My biggest priority was safety and security. My main complaint is that the weather is the same as Southeast Asia. It’s bloody stinking hot and humid ten months out of the year. It has the exact same climate as Thailand and Vietnam. My other grievances are there’s too many stray animals here. Nobody neuters or spays their pets, and the dating pool seems too slim.

Don’t Blame Jacobo

Merida is a very conservative city and one of the Catholic church’s biggest strongholds. The majority of Yucateca women marry and have at least one child by age 25. That to me was disappointing. Jacobo had no way of knowing I was looking for a significant other, so don’t blame him. I said I wanted to live somewhere inexpensive that isn’t crime ridden, and that’s where Merida popped up. Jacobo meant well when he suggested that. He was being a good friend. It’s my fault for not doing more research or asking which city in Mexico had the best dating pool. Had I known then what I do now, I probably would have gone to Guadalajara. I knew all along Latin America was more amenable towards someone like me. Hispanic cultures tend to be more forgiving and understanding about mental health than East Asian ones. I don’t know about Mexico, but I’m told they’re cool about it in Brazil, Argentina, Chile, and other places. I’ve not had any issues with Mexico in that department. All I can tell you is it’s more autism-friendly than the Far East.

The Tour of a Lifetime

I’ve taken advantage of opportunities during my time here. The tour I took during the vernal equinox still gives me goosebumps. I went with a group to Dzibilchaltun and visited the Temple of the Seven Dolls. The aperture to that structure aligns perfectly with the sun during the spring equinox. After that, I explored Izamal – the Yellow City – and climbed the tallest pyramid in Mexico. It reminded me of the time I experienced Batu Caves in Kuala Lumpur. Never in my life had I seen so many yellow buildings. I was afraid I’d get jaundice had I stayed much longer. The third stop entailed Xcajum Cenote – a natural waterhole. Those things I find mystical. The best and last part was Chichen Itza – an anthropologist’s wet dream. I didn’t realize it was an entire park not just that castle in the middle. Not only was I in awe of the Mayan ruins; I was blown away by the sun shadow forming a snake along the staircase. I got nostalgic because the Mayan artifacts reminded me of Thailand and the time I journeyed through Ancient Siam. The only difference was there were no reclining Buddhas at Chichen Itza. I’d go back there in a heartbeat.

Tales from the Dark Side

Day in and day out, I hear horror stories about Latin America. I don’t live in Juarez or Tijuana for crying out loud. Yes, I’ve seen Scarface, Traffic, Miami Vice, El Mariachi, Desperado, Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Man on Fire, and other crime dramas. I’ve watched every episode of Breaking Bad, Narcos, and El Chapo, too. Most of those incidents occurred during the 80’s and 90’s. Pablo Escobar was killed in 1993. Chapo Guzman got convicted and placed in a prison from which he can’t escape. What the skeptics don’t know is those tall tales you hear about Latin America regarding the drugs, kidnappings, and whatnot also happen in Southeast Asia where I lived three years. They don’t call them cartels in that region because there’s no cocaine. They do however have heroin, opium, and methamphetamines. Those organizations are labeled merely drug rings, but it’s all the same in the end. There’s several reasons why nobody knows or hears about the Asian underworld. The obvious being they’re far removed from the United States across the globe. Another is they’re not flamboyant like Medellin and Sinaloa were. They do their activities surreptitiously and fly below the radar like the Cali cartel did.

Mexico Doesn’t Scare Me

I’m not afraid of Mexico City, either. I’ve been battle-tested after living in Thailand in Vietnam. Bangkok is one of the dodgiest cities on Earth. Mexico City can’t be any worse than Bangkok I tell myself. There are significant Russian and Ukrainian communities there and Saigon, and I’m certain they bring heavy hitters from Moscow and Kiev. Many Japanese expats live in both locales much of whom I suspect are Yakuza. I’ve stated I watch the same movies all the ‘experts’ have. I’ve even seen American Gangster based on a true story. Denzel Washington played Frank Lucas, an African-American kingpin in New York City during the 60’s and 70’s. Lucas smuggled heroin into the United States through coffins of fallen Vietnam War soldiers. There’s a street in Saigon called Bui Vien where people get zapped out of their minds on drugs. The police are there facilitating it making sure nothing gets out of hand. Thailand is one of the worst places on the planet when it comes to child sex trafficking. Many child predators travel to Southeast Asia as sex tourists because they know the governments are so corrupt, and there’s nothing anyone can do. I lived there when they busted Jared Fogel, the pitchman for Subway. I was also there during the bombing at Erawan Shrine. My inbox was flooded over the next day because my family and friends worried I might have been blown to smithereens.

Same Song, Different Dance

There’s nothing terrible I’ve heard about Mexico that I haven’t already about Thailand or Vietnam. The only things I’m worried about are crooked landlords, pickpockets, shady expats, and petty scams. I know how to handle those folks after living in Southeast Asia. I was robbed by the traffic police at gunpoint in Vietnam. My passport was stolen there without further ado. I’m better equipped to act accordingly. Mexico doesn’t seem that bad to me because I came mentally prepared. The second time the police tried to shake me down in Vietnam, I knew what to do. I took a semester of German in college. Many of the corrupt cops speak English, but I’ll bet none know German. That’s what I deduced how to handle them. I know they’re after my money, that they think all the expats are rich, and that they can intimidate me. They’re not going to waste their time seeking an interpreter and risk getting exposed. Most criminals aren’t as slick as they think they are. Nine times out of ten, they take the quickest and easiest route to get what they want with minimal exposure. I’ve studied a lot about criminal psychology during my off-time. I’ve read The Art of War by Sun Tzu. One of the main tenets of that piece is know your enemies. That’s why I now take off my shoes and hide my money in my socks whenever I travel with lots of cash and put only a small amount in different pockets. I might even get two wallets; one with a trifle of notes and throw it the opposite direction should I be mugged and give myself enough time to run away in zigzag patterns so the thug’s bullet won’t hit me should he/she decide to shoot. I may even walk around with my hands in my pocket. I’d rather the ladies and others think me shy and insecure than vulnerable.

I See Your True Colors Shining Through

That said, I no longer use taxicabs but only Uber. I don’t trust the former after living in Bangkok. The majority of scams the Viets have tried to fool me with I caught onto living in Thailand. Many hucksters at Ben Thanh Market got offended whenever I called them out. They thought I was stupid and didn’t know what they were doing. Little did they know, they would try the same shtick at Pat Pong Market in Bangkok. I wasn’t afraid to tell them I could see through them. I may be overstating things, but I imagine the same is true about Mexico City and other megacities in underdeveloped countries. I’ve learned how to mind my surroundings and always have my guard up. Therefore, I’m not afraid of Mexico City, Medellin, or anywhere else.  My bullshit detectors have been amplified ten-fold after living in Southeast Asia. I never buy things on the street unless they have price tags. I figure they’re knockoffs or the vendors want to play me for a sucker and overcharge me. As far as the organized crime goes, I suspect those guys are smart enough not to do their business in the open. As long as you use common sense and exercise caution, you should be safe. I don’t plan to go looking for them.

Much Ado About Nothing

I’m not worried about being kidnapped when I visit Cancun or anyplace else, either. Do you really think I’d be here if I felt someone might abduct me? First of all, the US State Department would ban all travel to Mexico if it was that unsafe. Secondly, I’d notify the embassy consulate before I do that. Third, I’d post a status on social media letting everyone know where I’m headed. Fourth, I don’t come from a wealthy family like Natalie Holloway, so my captors wouldn’t gain much from the ransom. Fifth, most of those take place up north near the border not down south where I am. Sixth and finally, I’d give my family, friends, or whomever specific instructions to contact the embassy and every news outlet they can if I’m not seen or heard from within a week. I have a game plan for events like this. Imagine how it would look if all over CNN or FOX News the headlines said, “Autistic American Male Missing in Mexico.” You think Donald Trump won’t heat up the propaganda machine and try to start a war with Mexico to beef up his campaign for the 2020 election or use that as a wild card to convince voters in swing states Mexico is full of murderers and rapists to divert everyone’s attention away from another recession? For all we know, his administration may use the ICE detainees as collateral damage in retaliation. Knowing Trump, I wouldn’t put it past him. Most smart criminals don’t want to draw that kind of attention.

They’re Not All Bad

The only bad things that happened since I’ve been here were my watch getting ruined in Xcajum Cenote, and I lost my ATM card. I know my debit card wasn’t stolen because my account wasn’t emptied when I checked my bank statement online. I reported it lost, ordered another one, and had my mom send me money through Western Union. Also, there’ve been a few power surges caused by storms. Other than that, everything has gone smoothly. Mexico turned out to be an excellent fit. I’d describe it the same way I would Michael Keaton, Daniel Craig, Charlize Theron, and Harrison Ford playing Batman, James Bond, Aileen Wuornos, and Indiana Jones or Albert Brooks portraying a mafia kingpin in Drive. None of those mentioned were the directors’ first selections. Some were last minute replacements like Ford. The movie critics were skeptical at first because they worried the roles might not match the actors’ skill sets, but those people caught everyone by surprise and wound up killing those parts.

A Successful Failure

Now most moviegoers can’t imagine Tom Selleck (the original choice) as Indiana Jones. Daniel Craig is arguably the best Bond ever behind Sean Connery. Some fans like my mother think the former was better than the latter. Charlize Theron landed herself an Academy Award for her performance. You can even compare my circumstance to Christopher Plummer replacing Kevin Spacey to portray J. Paul Getty in All the Money in the World. Ridley Scott scrapped Spacey from the project at the last minute when the Hollywood sex abuse scandal emerged and had Plummer fill the void six weeks before that film was released. They had to re-shoot all scenes involving Spacey with Plummer. Not only did Plummer pull it off within a three-week span; he knocked it out of the park and got an Oscar nomination. Now many people can’t envision Spacey in that role. If I were to correlate my time in Mexico to a movie, this turned out to be a sleeper hit like My Big Fat Greek Wedding and Napoleon Dynamite. It might even win Best Picture like Slumdog Millionaire which was also a surprise hit. Now I can’t envision myself moving back to Southeast Asia after living here. I perceive Mexico the same way historians did the Apollo 13 mission, a successful failure.

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anxiety, aspergers, autism, changes, culture, democrats, depression, education, health, ideas, philosophy, politics, travel, violence

Leave Our Knobs Alone

chef kitchen cooking baby
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

An Act of Barbarism

There’s a common practice in America I find barbaric and should be outlawed. I don’t mean privatized prisons or our lack of universal healthcare both of which I share the same sentiment. I’m not talking about capital punishment the latter of which I have mixed feelings. I’m not referring to burning fossil fuels, burying waste in landfills, or mass consumption which I find repulsive. I’m speaking of circumcision. It’s beyond me why this is still a topic of debate. Unsurprisingly, most people I’ve known who condone this vile act other than Jews are second wave feminists. Thus, I call them out on their hypocrisy. If they’re going to get preachy about abortion and women’s rights, the least they can do is respect those of males. What makes you think I like some ninny femsplaining to me what she thinks is best for my genitals if she doesn’t like guys mansplaining to her what’s good for her uterus? America is one of the few developed countries left that advocates this debauchery.

Don’t Believe the Hype

The liberal media loves preaching how horrible date rape is and going on diatribes regarding rape culture, campus rape, and statutory rape. They like shaming us about consent trying to convince us there’s a sexual assailant on every street corner. They had a field day regarding the child abuse scandal with the Catholic church and whatnot. Nobody on the left held any punches against Jeffrey Epstein or Donald Trump about the child sex trafficking. They only defended Bill Clinton saying he was just a passenger on the plain. What about those infant boys? Did they get a say in whether or not they were snipped? Why has that never dominated the headlines? I remember seeing an expose about female genital mutilation in Egypt when I was 13. Little boys have their foreskin cut, and nobody panics. Adults remove female infant clitorises, and everyone goes ballistic. My mother, who had me cut when I was a baby, and I have had heated debates over this. She tried arguing they use glass and rusty metal to do the procedure on girls. What makes her or anybody else think they don’t do the same to boys?

To Cut or Not to Cut

She’s not the only one. Her generation was sold the idea that it was more hygienic and the right thing to do. Every myth about male infant circumcision preventing urinary tract infections and STD’s has been debunked. Sadly, there’s idiots out there who still believe them just as there are those convinced vaccines cause autism despite the overwhelming evidence disproving that. Little do they know, the doctors who sold them that hogwash were receiving massive kickbacks from the hospital to perform circumcisions. Of course they’re going to say that when there’s some financial gain for them. I wouldn’t be surprised if one guilt-shamed my mother into having me cut. If those were true, Africa and the Middle East wouldn’t have higher rates of AIDS and other urological ailments. My mother acknowledges this, but she tried using a strawman argument stating women with circumcised partners have lower rates of cervical cancer. That’s what pap smears and HPV vaccines are for, my dear readers. That’s why they have condoms, IUD’s, diaphragms, and such. Women who sleep around and have multiple partners are at higher risk, but I don’t see anyone shaming them into monogamy. No, now we encourage Western women to brag about it and have annual SlutWalks. For every point the advocates use, I have a counterpoint to debunk it. If preaching abstinence-only is ineffective towards teenagers with raging hormones, I’d say it’s a safe bet trying to assure me circumcision is benevolent is fruitless.

It Israeli Not Necessary

Yes, I know most Jewish men are circumcised. Most Jewish men also don’t practice kosher or wear yarmulkes. I was an anthropology minor in college. Some Jewish woman tried claiming the Torah requires it. I’ll tell you what, lady. When every Jewish man practices kosher, has an unshorn beard, wears all black, and dons a yarmulke or black hat, then you can get back to me. When Israel discontinues its aggression towards Palestine and stops playing the holocaust card to justify the means, then we can discuss halakha. Do you really want me to go there? Mel Gibson wasn’t off the mark during his drunken stupor. I’m not condoning his behavior or saying he wasn’t out of line, but his statement wasn’t inaccurate. More than half of the turmoil in the Middle East is because of Israel. The United States government throws $10 billion a year towards Israel who has universal healthcare and free post-secondary education. Meanwhile, we can’t afford to feed the poor, shelter the homeless, or provide medicare, but that’s another story. The Torah also forbids homosexuality. Man-on-man relations are subjectable to death. There have been rabbis in Israel wanting to impose capital punishment for that, yet Tel Aviv has one of the largest gay populations in the world. I’ll bet that Jewish lady didn’t think I knew that, either. Nice try, woman, but it won’t stick. I don’t place much credence into religious law.

It Israeli That Simple

The reason nobody discusses how inhumane male circumcision is or all the heinous things caused by Israel is because Jews own most of the American media. Anyone who speaks up about these gets branded as anti-Semitic. That explains why Mel Gibson was Hollywood blacklisted. If the Jews have enough brain cells to speak English, Hebrew, and Yiddish fluently; practice kosher, study economics, handle finances, manage their money, make investments, run petty scams and ponzi schemes, hide their shady business practices, avoid detection by the IRS and Better Business Bureau, write screenplays, produce and direct movies; win Pulitzer Prizes, Nobel Prizes, and Academy Awards; plan bar and bat mitzvahs, train the Mossad, hunt down war criminals, conceal their own war crimes, invent krav maga (the world’s deadliest martial art) and the uzi, construct synagogues, build scud missiles and laser-guided keyboards, live autonomously, and light up menorahs during Hanukkah, there’s no reason they shouldn’t know how to wash out their schmeckels. That’s as easy as spinning a dreidel. They’re not animals though they sure act like it by the way they treat the Palestinians. I presume they take showers with soap and hot water in Israel if they have top notch universities. That stands to reason if they had the chutzpah to build a wall around their country and several kibbutzes, a solid military, and a sound infrastructure within.

They Are Not Alone

Judaism isn’t the only religion that practices circumcision, unfortunately. It’s also common in Islam. I don’t think the readers need me to remind them how the American media paints Muslims as savages. Circumcision is practiced neither in Japan, France, Scandinavia, nor anywhere else in Northern Europe. Those countries have some of the lowest rates of cervical cancer in the world which means there’s other preventative methods. That article my mother sent me I didn’t bother reading once I discovered the author was a woman. Call me sexist or insensitive, but I don’t need someone femsplaining or jewsplaining to me what’s best for my dong. That’s tantamount to those dry old men in Congress regulating women’s bodies as I stated in the first paragraph. If it’s her body her choice, the same should apply to men. That’s my rationale. What’s good for the goose is great for the gander. No, I will not STFU about this, either. I’m going to sing like Freddy Mercury giving his finest performance and ruffle as many feathers as Colonel Sanders if that’s what it takes to get my point across.

Another Form of Body Shaming

Indeed there’s a condition called phimosis where the foreskin doesn’t retract. That’s not abnormal during the first two to six years of a child’s life. It’s nothing soap and hot water can’t fix when it comes to penile hygiene. You can even use Q-tips and rubbing alcohol. The only time it should be an issue is once the boy reaches puberty. It can still be rinsed out with water if urine can come out of his willy unfiltered. There’s also paraphimosis where the foreskin becomes swollen and stuck. That’s the only time alarm bells should go off. It’s my understanding there are other treatments for this. I have an Irish friend who was born intact but had to be circumcised as a teenager when he developed this condition. That procedure was done as a last resort when the doctors didn’t know what else to do. Unbeknownst to the naysayers, these cases are quite rare. The odds of that happening are infinitesimal at most.

Try These On For Size

You can’t get appendicitis if you don’t have an appendix, but I don’t see anyone performing appendectomies on newborn infants arbitrarily. Just because we can live without our appendixes doesn’t it mean they don’t serve a function like the foreskin. The appendix is there to protect good bacteria and burn extra fibers in food. We don’t require it as much as our ancestors because they didn’t know how to cook. Everything they ate was raw. The foreskin is there to keep the glans moist and protect it from friction. Smegma acts as a natural lubricant during sexual intercourse. I had this conversation with one woman in Austin who liked to get around. She explained the difference between a guy who’s cut and one who’s intact. She elucidated that her uncut partner felt better like a well-lubed piston in lieu of a broomstick jammed up her bajingo which which necessitated the use of K-Y jelly. All the reason more circumcision should be outlawed.

We Don’t Need No Explanation

Nothing anyone says can convince me otherwise. Heck, why not continue the practice to protect our children and then do the appendectomies? Next we can yank all their teeth out with pliers. That’s what they did back in the ‘good old days’ during the earlier part of the 20th century. We can replace their teeth with dentures. That way they can’t get tooth decay or cavities, and we can save a killing never having to take them to the dentist or the orthodontist to get braces. We can yank out their toenails and fingernails so children don’t bite them and save time and money not having to clip them. Better yet we can chop all their fingers off so children can’t slam them in doors by accident. Perhaps we should slice every woman’s tits off who supports circumcision once she turns 40 and see how she likes it. That way she can’t get breast cancer. It’s not like she needs her mammary glands once she’s past her childbearing years. While we’re at it, we should give our autistic and special needs children lobotomies, put them away in institutions, and throw away the key. That way the rest of society can go on with their guilt-free lives and never worry whether those children live or die since nobody gives a toss about mental health. We can spare everyone the inconvenience and indignity of tolerance and understanding. Lastly, we can euthanize everybody in America once they turn 65 to circumvent ageism in a society whose media worships youth. That way we can balance the federal budget not having to pay into social security and even pay off the national debt sooner. It’s not like most old folks aren’t over the hill or as productive as they were when they were younger. That’s the whole point. Whatever rubbish the advocates use to justify circumcision are just as asinine to me as the rest I just mentioned. We would all be born intact if God wanted us cut. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

We Don’t Need No Thought Control

The good news is there are ways to restore one’s foreskin though it’s a long and arduous process. I began this after I moved to Thailand. I haven’t been consistent, but I’m told that it can be done within two to three years through hard work and dedication. I discovered Wayne Griffiths – the father of modern restoration – when I did my research. There’s all sorts of methods such as manual tugging, foreballs, TLC tuggers, and O-rings. If it were up to me, they’d teach these to young boys who’ve been cut so they can be intact by the time they reach puberty or adulthood and have satisfactory sex lives. That was the original reason we started circumcision in America. The powers that be decided men who were cut were less inclined to cheat. Now in hindsight, we know that urban legend is as ridiculous as the one stating chronic masturbation will make us blind. It’s nothing more than false rhetoric and propaganda used as a fear tactic and another form of thought control. Alas, I’m pleased to say Iceland has outlawed circumcision. Hopefully, the other 195 countries will follow suit. If it were up to me, not only would circumcision be illegal; each parent who authorized it would be charged with criminal negligence and child abuse as would each doctor, and the practitioner would lose his/her license and serve time along with the parent. Lastly, each party and the hospitals would be slapped with hefty fines.

anxiety, aspergers, autism, changes, culture, depression, health, ideas, living abroad, philosophy, politics, psychology, travel

Big Boys Don’t Cry

Image result for crying man
Lebron James Crying

No More Gutterballs, Grandpa

When I was 9 or 10, my maternal grandma and his second wife came to visit us in Houston from Missouri. They took us bowling two days in a row. That was one of their favorite activities. We’d go to their local bowling alley whenever we’d to see them. There wasn’t much else in the Ozarks to keep us occupied. Often I’d get frustrated and cry because I wasn’t performing well. I was only a child who didn’t know better. All I wanted was to make strikes and spares. The frequent gutterballs took their toll on my pride. Grandpa would always scold me for my outbursts. Crying was forbidden under his watch. I remember the last time like yesterday. I was about to have a meltdown when I noticed Grandpa staring at me and shaking his finger.

Avenge Me, Boys

The point I’m making is we live in a society where it’s not acceptable for boys or men to express their emotions in any way, shape, or form. A prime example comes from the 1984 classic Red Dawn. That movie is about a backdoor Soviet invasion of the United States. A group of teenage rebels led by Patrick Swayze called The Wolverines after their school mascot fight back. Swayze and his younger brother played by Charlie Sheen encounter their POW father portrayed by Harry Dean Stanton opposite a chain-linked fence. They know he’s about to die. Stanton tells his sons he was tough on them for a reason and orders them not to cry. The character implies they’ve gone soft for exhibiting emotions. One of the last things he says before they leave is, “Boys, avenge me!” In other words, the only things they were allowed to feel were anger and rage. Remorse and sorrow were verboten. I’m not reviled by the disposition of Stanton or my granddad. I chalk it up as them being relics of their time from a different generation where men were expected to be Alpha males and toxic masculinity was unheard of.

Nice Guys Pay; Bad Boys Lay

Much of this sentiment surrounded me every day I was in military school and the Coast Guard. I’m not a big fan of third and fourth wave feminists. Some of their ideas I find a bit extreme, but I agree with them upon the fact that toxic masculinity must be addressed head on. It’s detrimental in the long run. This I surmise is why there’s more male sociopaths and hardened criminals than female ones. There’s too much of it in professional sports as well in my humble opinion. America has become a society where the dating culture has told us nice guys who show compassion are weak while bad boys who display aggression are strong, dominant, and what women want. Sensitivity and social awkwardness equal creepiness whereas cockiness and brash behavior equate to confidence the latter of which makes the ladies drool and cream. Too often I see this has seeped its way into the dating culture. Everywhere I look without fail, dating gurus male and female say nice guys finish last while bad boys win the girls. By the time the girls catch on and realize bad boys are harmful, it’s too late. We’re told they’ve hit the wall and are no longer marketable. I’ve grown so cynical; I don’t know what to believe anymore.

Suck it Up, Buttercup

The media makes it seem like we can control our emotions 24/7 like Vulcans. The human race hasn’t evolved to that point. It was no secret I was suffering from anxiety and depression in the military. I didn’t get sentimental, but it made me bitter and harbor loads of resentment. I stated in my last note why I hate everything about the East Coast of the United States and the military. Doing everything the exact opposite of how I was trained in the services like wearing the complimentary colors, starting off with the other foot, hanging and folding my clothes the other direction, growing facial hair, and living in other countries the GOP demonizes were my coping mechanism from the trauma. I’m not allowed to discuss my feelings because nobody wants to hear it. Everyone thinks you can snap out of depression which is anything but true. To forgive and forget is easier said than done. The first part I might be attainable, but I can’t envision myself ever doing the latter. Once trust is lost, it’s almost impossible to gain back.

Explore Your Sentiments

One stereotype about Asperger’s especially males is that we don’t feel empathy or exhibit emotions. This is one of the primary reasons we’re mistaken for sociopaths. We’re not allowed to show it because that’s what the media has told us. All I’m allowed to exude is anger or joy not fear, guilt, or sadness. Last year, I remember watching Interstellar on Netflix. It’s about a farmer turned astronaut played by Matthew McConaughey who travels into space to find a planet to terraform as Earth becomes uninhabitable. Anne Hathaway plays his co-pilot and one of three scientists. Before the mission, McConaughey achieves the insurmountable task of saying goodbye to his children. He mentions to his daughter they may be the same age when he returns. The viewer disregards this in the beginning, but then it starts to catch on. There’s a scene where McConaughey retrieves his daughter’s messages on the intercom. Later you see she’s grown up. His adult daughter, played by Jessica Chastain, gives him the rundown over what happened over the years. That scene broke me in two. I couldn’t help myself because it hit too close to home. It made me reflect on my own life.

Family is All in the End

One of my biggest regrets is not spending more time with my niece and nephew between the time I left Thailand and went home before my next assignment in Vietnam in spring 2016. I’d been gone and hadn’t seen my family in person for two years while watching Interstellar. The background music compounded the situation. Luckily, it was in the privacy of my own home. I would’ve been embarrassed had I let it out in public. I went into the bathroom and took a shower to cleanse myself afterwards. I could count on one hand the time number of times I conversed with my family via Skype and Facebook not including when we spent Christmas together online. My niece, who was in elementary school last time I’d seen her, was now the same age as my middle school students. It still bothered me the next day at work, and my coworkers asked if I was okay. I was going to travel to Australia with a friend during the summer of 2018, but I cancelled those plans. Not only was I low on funds, I feared I would never to get to see my family again. I can always venture to Australia or wherever later on, but only get to see the kids grow up once.

Beard Away the Sorrow, Hair’s a Tissue

I don’t know if anyone else notices, but you almost never see a man with a beard or facial hair get upset and break down on screen. It’s as if Hollywood and society have told us it’s even less forgivable if a bearded man exhibits emotion. They’ve placed a higher standard on him than his hairless counterpart. He’s supposed to be strong and dominant and show zero weakness. The only time he may get a free pass is if someone in his immediate family dies. I mentioned before I never grew a beard until after I moved abroad, but luckily I was clean-shaven when I watched Interstellar. If you think long and hard enough, when was the last time you ever saw a man cry with a beard? I’ll bet the readers can only count that on one hand if not one finger. This is why I feel it’s imperative that Hollywood activists address this issue and stop dispensing the message that it’s not okay for grown men or boys to express their emotions the same way women and girls do. Ridding society of the stigma towards mental health, therapy, and the need for antidepressants and anxiety pills would be nice, moreover. If Donald Trump isn’t an expert on politics or economics, I’d say it’s a safe bet neither is Tom Cruise on behalf of psychotherapy.

anxiety, aspergers, autism, changes, culture, democrats, depression, education, health, ideas, philosophy, politics, psychology, republicans, travel, voting

You Pray, You Pay

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Photo by Thiago Matos on Pexels.com

Spiritual Imbalance and Global Chaos

Most intellectuals concur there’s no place in politics for organized religion. Sadly, we face this dilemma everywhere in the United States with the church overstepping its boundaries. America isn’t the only country guilty, yet we receive the most flack out of all western nations. That’s one of the perks of being the global superpower. What amuses me is how right-wing evangelicals pontificate how they don’t want sharia law in America, yet they’ve been trying to induce it the entire time. Banning abortions and gay marriage, censoring the media, and imposing the death penalty qualify under that curtain. Just because it’s not Muslims trying to implement this doesn’t mean the same rules don’t apply. This is one of the primary reasons I no longer live in the United States. Organized religion is poison. There’s no two ways about it. The only thing thing responsible for more wars and deaths in history to my knowledge are communism and the bubonic plague.

Theocracy is Hypocrisy

Religion I suspect was introduced to control people during a time when there was no government or law enforcement. Nobody knew jack about science. This was the most plausible method they had to rationalize every day phenomena. It never occurred to them the universe is comprised of random coincidences and such. That explains why in medieval Europe they’d scare people trying to commit suicide with eternal damnation. They can’t control and persecute people if they’re dead. George Carlin made the most astute comments about religion out of any celebrity I’ve known. He noted each contradiction in every Abrahamic holy book and explained there were too many inconsistencies. I will never forget how Carlin elucidated religion makes billions of dollars annually, and it’s all tax exempt. I find it ironic how Joel Osteen lives in a million-dollar mansion but couldn’t be bothered to let people take refuge in his church when Hurricane Harvey hit.

A Non-Prophet Organization

I was pleased to read Italy began taxing churches to pay off its debt after the 2008 recession. The child molestation scandals with the Vatican and economic crises I surmise prompted Italy to drop the hammer. This enticed me to comprise a new method regarding the church. I think they should pass a law in all 196 countries requiring churches to charge goers a fee to attend their services. Before anyone laughs at my idea, ask yourselves this. Would you rather the state govern and regulate religion or do you prefer it the other way around? It’s an honest question. Most religious zealots don’t mind theocracies as long as it’s not their own spirituality challenged or questioned. I figure the government can not only implement property taxes from the churches, mosques, temples, and such. They can gain revenue from the ticket sales as well as income tax from the clergy members themselves.

Freedom Isn’t Free

Many people go to church as a means of cheap therapy. We still live in a society where it’s more frowned upon to seek professional help than attend church or do drugs. I’ve lost count of every imbecile who told me finding salvation in the church would make my woes disappear. When I was in the Coast Guard suffering from depression and separation anxiety, I was referred to a chaplain in lieu of a psychiatrist or a social worker. My company commanders thought that wise and so did I out of fear that everyone would start gaslighting me and second guess my abilities. That said, I never disclosed I have Asperger’s to any of the clergy. Not only was I certain none heard of it; I didn’t think there was anything they could do but give false hope. I didn’t trust them because I didn’t think they recognized doctor/patient confidentiality.

Benito Juarez Reloaded

Two months ago, I took a tour of Chichen Itza. I visited Izamal, the Yellow City, along the way. I learned during that trek Mexico was once governed by the Catholic church. That changed when Benito Juarez came into power. He was the first President of Mexico to recognize separation of church and state. This is all the reason more I think they should start monetizing religion the same way they do movies. Half the role of an ecclesiastic is to entertain and keep everyone engaged. Religion plays a key part in molding our values like the media. If Hollywood rakes in beaucoup bucks to give people reassurance, the same should be done with religion. We can handle Sunday afternoon services the same way the cinema does weekend matinees in that the churches can give discounts. The services can still operate 24/7 like every other business in my book. I’ll bet if the powers that implemented this system, that would cripple organized religion in a heartbeat. This is my solution towards regulating religion. Imagine how quickly that would pay off the national debt and allow Washington and states to balance the federal budget.

 

anxiety, aspergers, autism, changes, culture, depression, education, health, ideas, philosophy, psychology

Autism vs. Narcissism

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Certain Misconceptions

There’s a common stereotype about folks on the spectrum in that we lack empathy. This I suspect is why the general public mistakes us for narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths. The difference between us and them I’ve explained is auties and Aspies are egocentric whereas the latter three are egotistical. I’ve elaborated not all narcissists are sociopaths or psychopaths but all psychopaths and sociopaths are narcissists. Folks with autistic spectrum disorder want to relate to others but don’t always know how. Those with narcissistic personality disorder are cognizant of their actions, but they don’t care. How do I know? My father and two oldest siblings have NPD. I’m the polar opposite from them. Both of my sister’s grand prizes of husbands as well as my oldest brother’s long-term girlfriend and now wife also have NPD. Narcissists tend to attract one another. My stepmother is self-important like Dad but not as bad. To protect their privacy and because I’m too embarrassed to mention certain names, I’ll only refer to them by their connections towards your truly.

A State of Denial

I have another brother who’s somewhat deficient in empathy but he means well. He and I were raised by our mother. People think those with ASD are hoggish because we sometimes require accommodations. Dad, Sister, and Brother One believed I was a spoiled brat who needed extra discipline. All three were in denial that I had anything wrong. To this day, I’m convinced neither three will ever accept it. That’s one of many reasons we’re not on speaking terms and why I have limited contact with them. They’re absolute flakes and wholly unreliable. They think the whole world revolves around them. They never plan ahead and always expect everyone to drop what they’re doing to cater to them. That’s not the same as requesting certain consideration. They’re also great bullshitters. They’re never around when you need them. The only time either of them come around is whenever they want something. They manipulate people and put on their superficial charm pretending to be everybody’s best friend.

A Sister From Another Mother

All of these are why Mom, Brother Two, and his wife are the only ones in my family with whom I I have any relationship. People often ask me what they do for a living. My father is semi-retired, but he works part-time for Brother One who owns a landscaping company. Sister is what I call a snake oil salesperson. She preaches about positive energy and sprinkles her pixie dust on other people’s personal problems. She’s of those pseudo-life skill coaches who promises if you do this and do that, then the whole universe will open up. If you just drop $200 down, she’ll give you all the answers you need and the same platitudes you’ve heard all along. If only her clientele knew how Sister treated her family, they’d see her true colors. I confronted her about it and told her Sister-in-Law (Brother Two’s wife) was more of a sister to me than she’ll ever be. Sister-in-Law at least trustworthy and dependable.

Tales of the In-Laws

Sister has a long track record or picking out losers thinking she can fix them. Her late husband was a real piece of work. Brother-in-Law must have sniffed a lot of paint fumes when he was a kid. He was a blowhard. None of my family or friends liked him. He’d always talk smack about us. The guy had the nerve to call me a closet pedophile. Brother-in-Law was one of those right-wing nutjobs who listened too much to Infowars and thought everything was a conspiracy. He’d put on his chest puff routine and act like could walk on water, eat bullets, and shit ice cream, but he was a coward deep down. Brother-in-Law had never been outside the state of Texas that I recall except to Vegas to attend Brother Two and Sister-in-Law’s wedding. He was too afraid to board an airplane because he worried about germs. The guy tried to convince me he was an Alpha male and that I was a cupcake. One way I saw through him was when my mother needed a bag of concrete lifted. Brother-in-Law whined that his back was sore. I worked at Lowe’s then, and knew the proper procedures. Thus. I obliged and lifted instead no problem. Then I called him out and asked him, “Where’s your brass balls now, tough guy?” Sadly, he passed away four years ago. What’s more, my nephew, their son, has his late father’s smart mouth. I tolerated Brother-in-Law, but I never cared for him. Her current boyfriend sounds like a real tool, but that’s another story. I’ve never met the guy, yet I know the kind of men to whom she’s drawn.

Gaslighting and Denial

Sister is the same-centered person she was when Brother-in-Law as alive. Granted, she got worse since they got involved, but she’s eight years my senior. She knows better, but she refuses to change. She wasn’t much better when she was involved with her first hubby, a two-bit musician. Sister hasn’t improved since Brother-in-Law met his demise. Dad, Brother One, and Sister never take responsibility for any of their actions. Everything wrong is always someone else’s fault. I know gaslighting is every narcissist’s favorite tool because that’s part of their compendium. Too often, they never gave me credit for anything original. Anytime I said something with merit, they would accuse me of reverberating someone else’s words. They had a penchant towards making me second guess myself and question my own judgment. Neither three have never been diagnosed with NPD, but they share certain traits. They won’t get therapy because they think there’s nothing amiss about them, and they’re without shame. I’m certain Brother One is a full-blown narcissist. He’s the worst of the three.

Cheap Gifts and Bogus Apologies

Skeptics often doubt I have Asperger’s because I have some people skills and bullshit detectors. Little do they know, I acquired these traits growing up with three narcissists. I’ve been battle-tested many times, and I caught onto their ploys. Recently, I celebrated my 40th birthday. Dad came to my party and gave me four brownies as my gift. That’s how cheap he is. Dad lives in an $800K house, but he couldn’t afford to get me a present. I wasn’t upset because I knew that was typical. I adopted the same mindset with him after living in Vietnam. If I ever expected anything to happen, I had to assume the outcome would be absolute garbage. I anticipated he’d put on his Father-of-the-Year act and smile at me through his teeth though I could count the number of times I’d seen him the past few years on one hand. Brother One thought it was my 39th birthday, or at least that’s what he claims. He and Sister were too busy to be bothered and came up with lame excuses not to come. Then they said we could meet up another time, but I told them don’t bother. If it’s too much for them to remember their youngest sibling’s 40th birthday, they’re not worth the time of day.

There You Have It

One of the key contrasts between someone with ASD and those with NPD is that we’re brutally honest while they’re pathological liars. Every time I tried to discuss an issue with them, they’d dance around it and claim plausible deniability. Dad had a penchant towards answering questions with other queries. Narcissists polish themselves as something bigger than they are. Brother One enamors himself with accolades that he has the best landscaping business in Austin. I’ve seen his work, and it’s mediocre at best. There’s nothing earth-shattering about it. Dad and Stepmom think they’re more sophisticated than everyone else because they lived in New York for 17 years. Stepmom was an assistant editor for the gardening section of Newsday, but she acts like she’s some Pulitzer Prize winning journalists. She thinks she’s intellectually superior towards everyone else because she has a Master’s Degree and the ability to recite every other ten-dollar word in the Oxford Dictionary. My uncle who’s known her since he was in middle school mentioned this. I gave up on all of them and have minimal contact because I knew that was the only way I could maintain my sanity. Blood may be thicker than water, but it can still be toxic. To put it bluntly, that’s how I know the difference between someone with ASD and a narcissist.